First of all, thank you for visiting!
I’m posting this as a few smaller parts rather than one long blog so you have chance to take a break. If you prefer, you can skip the story altogether and go to the part entitled “The Project” to read what I’m proposing to cure all of this nonsense.
Here’s why I asked you to come to this page to read this. You are someone who knew my situation in this country – the United States – and about some of my immigration “problems” that were not my fault. And if you are a friend of a friend of mine, then I welcome you to read this too. I’m sick of keeping it to myself. It’s not helping, and I’m not getting anywhere that way. I think that if you read about this, you can make a difference…just by understanding what I went through and the mess I have to clean up… And…I’d love to hear from you.
Some of you know more than others about my situation…there are some people I am able to visit with more frequently. The reason I’m asking you to read this is because I’m at the end of my rope. I can’t see doing this alone anymore, and I need help. Yup, I’m actually asking for your help. So click on the links to your left to get the (believe it or not) abbreviated version of just some of the things that have happened to me and why I am where I am in this process. I’ve broken in it up into mini-pages because it’s really a lot of information. I feel like if I’m going to ask you to invest in a project of mine to help me solve this problem, you should be allowed to know everything that has brought me to this place. I am also hoping you might be moved to share this with others since I’m really needing a miracle.
The people in my life who have been going through this with me on a daily basis have often said, “You should write a book when this is all over…” and if I had read this ‘story’ in a book I would think it was complete Fiction. I felt like I was living in the biggest horror/suspense film in history. That’s totally selfish for me to say because there are SO many more people in the world with such terrible horrors happening to them. In relation to theirs, my situation was not that bad at all. It still hurts though. I wrote the bulk of this on Christmas Day of 2009, a day I would have loved to spent with family. I did it that day because I couldn’t stand turning on the TV to remind myself I was alone again at Christmas. For those of you who may not know, people with “pending” immigration status are not able to leave the country. As of today (March 19th, 2010) I am no longer pending…yay! BUT, this past Christmas was the fourth Christmas I’ve had to tell my Canadian nieces that I couldn’t visit. This year they sent me a blanket for Christmas with snowy trees on it (to remind me of Canada) and said in their card, “Maybe next year we can all be together for one big family Christmas…when you need a nice warm hug, use this gift and think of us.” It broke my heart. It’s been years since I haven’t woken up on Christmas Day crying.
If I had read this on someone else’s website, I wouldn’t believe it…but it really happened to me. Really. Sadly, I have the evidence to back it up…AND it’s not over – not by a long shot. None of it is mandatory reading by the way. You have just been so kind to me over the time I’ve known you, I felt like I owed you my story.
I’ve actually been hesitating with the idea of sharing all of this with you because it’s such a sad story in so many ways, and I don’t want to be looked at with pity. I’ve also been taught to be private about bad stuff, and so I’ve been burdening four of my closest friends with my insane mood swings. But, I’ve realized that through the years as you’ve known me here in the U.S. you’ve seen me come to a rehearsal, or a concert, or a class I’m teaching so many times with a look of sadness behind my eyes, or extremely tired, or so completely distracted that I’d be talking with you and then space out, or I would forget that we had a conversation about something. Many of you have asked me, “Why are you so busy?” or “Why are you taking on so much work?” or one of my favourites, “How come you won’t come to our party/dinner/birthday/etc…” The answer I’ve been hiding from you? I’m exhausted. Really really exhausted. I don’t go to any of those fun things…AND I take on way too many gigs because the bill for the green card is insurmountable….and I have lost the will to celebrate anything. I’ve been sad for a long time and embarrassed that I’m so sad. I was depressed by the process and the debt.
The whole fiasco took just over four years, and let me tell you – depression for this long really has some nasty side effects. Actual physical symptoms…which are not good. So I’m trying to take some positive action – to explain my situation and ask for your help.
So, anyway, enough preamble. This is how it works: The links to your left take you to the summary of what happened during a span of time and what I went through in that time. The link at the end entitled “The Project” is exactly that, my project that I have been dreaming of. I pray it will help me financially get out of this mess. I hope. It’s really going to take a miracle. Just to spoil the surprise, (since I didn’t intend to surprise you) it’s a CD. My Project would be that I’d record my first album…with the explanation of why I think it’s a good idea and how it could help pay for my green card.
Thanks for taking the time to visit me here. I hope you pass it on to friends of yours who might be interested in helping me too (or if they like jazz?).
All my best to you,
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Here are all the comments that were made on this page…
Submitted on: Mar 25, 2010 @ 22:36 by Kanami Shimanuki
I miss you 🙂 I really hope you are doing a lot better than when you were writing this my love. Let’s get together some time!
Submitted on: Mar 26, 2010 @ 14:09 (I replied)
I’m doing much better…still exhausted…but better! 😀 I would love for us to get together…perhaps if you aren’t busy, you could come to my jazz concert on Friday April 9th at Cal State Fullerton? Hope you are well!!
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Submitted on: Apr 2, 2010 @ 21:38 by June Bigge
Hi Dr. Laura – I would like to support $100 worth of your CDs. I don’t know how to do it as I am not too computer savy . Please inform me how I can get a check to you. I will be out of town April 8-20 so may not respond right away. Sorry I will be out of town for your concert on the 9th.
I enjoyed your summer course to get ready for The Festival last summer. I will not be taking it this summer but will pass on the information when I get specifics from you about it.
My best to you in this huge challenge of yours.
Sincerely, JUne Bigge
Submitted on: Mar 26, 2010 @ 14:09 (I replied)
I remember you! It was so much fun doing the summer course last year…I hope they do it again this year! 😀
I just wrote you an email regarding the $100 worth of CDs…make sure you also give me an address of where to send them (once I make them!)
Feel free to pass on my blog to everyone you know too! All the best, Laura
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